Big Orange Backpack

It's interesting talking politics in Cambodia. It's brought me a renewed sense of being happy to be American. One of my students asked "why do you love America?" out of the blue, and I told him I was happy for our comfort, our freedoms, but then talked about a few things that I didn't like (for instance, our role in helping the Khmer Rouge come to power in the 1970s). I realised though, how lucky I was when as I began to critise the Cambodian government, a bell went off in my head. The bell said something along the lines of "this is how you end up in a Cambodian prison accused of drug trafficking for 3 years until the embassy can negotiate you out." I stopped talking. I would never have to do that in the States. I thought about all of the protests I attended in high school, when I was at Beacon, proclaiming President Bush to be a dictator and an ignorant savage. It's not infrequently I regret what I said, thought, and did during that time, but this was just another instance that I have been shown how truly naive I was.

I am currently in the upswing of a dengue outbreak here in Phnom Penh and in the whole of Cambodia. Last summer about 1,500 people died, but already 70% of that number have died in the past month, and there are 3 more months of the rainy season to go, it's just beginning. Doctors here are predicting one of the worst outbreaks in modern history. Jessie came to Cambodia twice in the two previous summers with an NGO group, and they have arrived again a week ago. Already one of the girls had to be medivaced from Phnom Penh to Bangkok at 2AM, and she hadn't even been out in the provinces. She had only been staying a few blocks away. It's a bit scary, it's a traumatic disease, however, given that I have oodles of health insurance it would do little more than put me in a helicopter to spend a few days in a hospital before going home early, something I certainly don't want to do. I smell of insect repellent all hours of the day.

In one of my classes we were discussing death and dying. One of the class discussion questions was 'if your grandparents have died, how did they die?' I had five students in the class and four of them said all of their grandparents had died in the "Pol Pot regime", and the fifth said he lost two of his four grandparents due to genocide as well. An interesting cultural thing is that when Khmer people get nervous, they start to laugh, which is what the last student in the class began doing as he acted out a hacking motion, showing how his grandparents were killed, while laughing. It was one of the more awkward moments I've had here.

It's really interesting being here and seeing how much the events of the late 1970s have shaped this country. Almost 2 million people are said to have died under the Khmer Rouge and Pol Pot, however, as is always the case with history, the current government is distorting it. Due to historically poor relations with Vietnam, it is conviently forgotten that it was them who invaded and disbanded the Khmer Rouge, sending them into the forest. The holiday marking the end of the regime is called "The victory over the genocidal regime". Being here has shown me how much power is held by those who control history, and has made me seriously consider a job in teaching history, as I'm my happiest when I'm telling my students things they have never heard about, like the Holocaust or the American Civil War. One of my students asked me the name of my President that had been killed, and for a moment I thought he was talking about President George W. Bush and my heart got stuck in my throat. He was, actually, talking about Abraham Lincoln, and was suprised to learn that it was in the 1800s, as he was led to believe it had been quite recent. People here live in quite the bubble, and it's shocking how little is known about foreign affairs and global news. However, national stories are riveting enough, for instance a headline a few days ago read "Man hacked to death, accused of sorcery". I feel as though I'm in the Wild West, witnessing a unique turning point in Cambodian history, and while I don't feel as though it is necessarily turning in the right direction, it has the potential to. But this moment is where futures are decided, and I'm glad to be here witnessing it.

I wasn't on this plane: http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/26/cambodia.plane.ap/index.html

Not much is new, one of my classes was extremely frustrating yesterday.. but other than that, same old. A woman I live with, Jude, got a shirt and a pair of pants made of silk at a tailor, they look great and I think I'm going to get some skirts and a dress made. I brought my computer back to the repair place, and I believe that my hard drive is shot.. Good news is it's covered by warranty, bad news is I might lose all of my data, which, is, you know, mildly devistating. I'm waiting to have it repaired when I get home and hopefully it can be salvaged. What is it about Cambodia that breaks things?

I am one-third of the way through the summer, I have passed the one month mark... Hurrah! And to think, I only got an ameba, a severe intestinal bacterial infection, and a cold! I can't wait to see what the next two months bring.. gulp. Just kiiiding. I've also bought a lot of nice clothes and met really great Cambodians.

Teaching is tough going with my level two's, as all we've been doing is talking about food.. You can't bulshit with them like you can with the higher levels, as they often have a difficult time understanding. I'm stopping after tomorrow with the book for a little while, but I'm flying through the text too fast, and I'm going to have to resort to movies and games to make it through to August.

I booked all my trips for my week off a few days ago. I'm going to Siem Reap, home of Angkor Wat, from Saturday to early Tuesday morning before a flight to Singapore where I will remain until Thursday night, and then I will go to Bangkok until early Sunday AM when I return to Phnom Penh.

My trip to Teul Sleng (S-21 genocide museum) was interesting. It's an old high school used by the Khmer Rouge as a torture prison, and 10,000 people died there (only 6 made it out alive). I was followed by a very pushy and touchy feely monk for about 20 minutes, and we were upstairs in a row of cells, and no-one was around, and he pushed me into a cell. For a minute I knew a slight slight fraction of the fear the prisoners there must have felt. I pushed him, gingerly, (he's a monk!) and walked briskly away from him. The place has an omnipresent silence about it, and it felt almost sac religious to scream, even if I felt as if I were in danger.

I'm going to go and try and get my computer fixed Wednesday I think, I wish I could upload some photos.. sorry guys.

I've been in Cambodia almost a month now, and I'm really starting to love it. The only thing I don't love is the pollution, which has been really bothering my throat. I understand why Cambodians wear surgical masks when they ride motos.

We had Wednesday and Thursday off of school, and then just had Friday and now it's the weekend.. I decided (Jessie also) that we shouldn't spend anymore weekends in Phnom Penh, we've tapped it out. So today I'm going to Wat Phnom and S-21 genocide museum, and then I will feel ready to go to Sihanoukville for real next weekend, without getting sick.. We're planning weekend trips the rest of the time we are here.

I love school and my students, teaching is going really well. I'm beyond frustrated with my housing situation, I really don't like many people that I live with.. and they're really the only people that I see.. My roommate Jessie and I get along really well thank G-d or I'd just be at my wits end.

My computer was theoretically fixed and only for $10, but I got my money's worth and I'm going to have to bring it back...

I got AMAZING lifechanging news from financial aid for my package next year... So at least I've got that going for me. On top of that though.. I'm in Cambodia for another two months, which, really, is quite cool.

I found in my googling yesterday the place that Apple told me to go to to fix my computer, only this time with the correct phone number. I brought it over there this morning, and the woman told me it was all under warranty and would be free. I asked her to be careful with my baby and the woman at the store said "she's your baby and she's sick, and I'm her doctor. Don't worry."

I think that by the end of the summer I'm going to have a scar on my inner right leg from all of the exhaust pipes I've burned myself on while taking motos... It'll be a pretty badass scar.

I'm feeling almost 100% better, thank you SOS International Clinic.

Today I had a cool moment on a moto where I was riding along on the back and I recognised someone in the street and we did this very Brad Pitt in Ocean's 11 head nod, it feels cool to know people in Phnom Penh.

Classes were cancelled on Friday because the landlord of the school's mom died. And now Wednesday and Thursday as well. We're invited to the funeral service today at 4, and I'm not really sure why. You wear all white (I happened to bring an all white dress, it was Lori's) and it's two hours long, but at the end of it they feed you. But that feels kind of wrong, just to go to some lady's funeral I don't know for the cultural experience + free food. That's not saying that I won't go... but... at least I know it's slightly warped.

I'm off to help Sambo with his English test (TOEFL) that he's taking next week.

So thanks to the massive amounts of anti-biotics I'm feeling much better... Unfortuately I didn't take pictures of this hospital visit though, so you'll just have to imagine me looking miserable.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to teach tomorrow.. Which means I have to write some lesson plans..

I got my fan back, last night was the best night of my life. (not waking up soaked with your own sweat is faaabulous).

Anyone have any idea where I can find an authorized Apple service person in Phnom Penh? Until then.. I'm afraid I don't know how I'll post any photos..

I do.

Yesterday morning at 4:30AM I woke up feeling really sick. Cut to 9AM and I'm passed out on the floor after spending the whole morning sicker than I've ever been. It was really scary, and I went to the SOS clinic/hospital. The doctor thought it was bacteria or an aoemba or a parasite but as it turns out it was two of the three. I have a massive intestinal bacterial infection as well as an aoemeba. I don't know how to spell it, or really what it is. It's maybe related to dysentary? So for the next three days I'm on 25 pills/day, and the next 17 days after that I'm on 9 pills/day. I doubt I'll be on the internet much, so I won't answer e-mails or anything like that for a little while. I'm still pretty sick. Ugh. Right now, Cambodia kind of sucks.

I think it was the tumble down the stairs, but my computer has officially had it until I can get it to an authorised Apple mechanic. I was on the phone with them an hour this morning before both me and the tech guy gave up.

Last night was Sparky's going away party. He was a volunteer last semester and has been around for the past week or two. He's a really fun guy, and it'll be sad to see him go back to England. I didn't end up doing any lesson planning for today and I was kind of fucked, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn that school was cancelled today. Apparently the lady next door, the landlord's mom, died last night. They've set up a funeral tent right outside the school, and they didn't want students and teachers walking through it all day so no school for us. I'm going to the beach in Sinoukville tomorrow morning until Monday night (Monday is a holiday - the former Queen's birthday). Should be a blast, I just finished my gift shopping in the Russian market, and I think I'm going to go back and take a nap. Mmm.. nap.

Here are some annoying things so far:

I fell down the stairs today. My butt hurts. Pinky hurts. My arm hurts. Ugh. So embarassing.

I have a student in my last class that started today. It used to be a good class. Then he came. He interupted me no more than five times to ask me my "qualifications". He after class asked me to come to an evangelical concert that his church was throwing. He asked me if I was a Christian, and when I said no, he looked disgusted. And when I told him that I'm Jewish, absolutely revolted. He then told me I should follow the "New" system, not the "Old" system, referring to the books of the Bible. I was so angry. I just walked away and said "Okay, bye!"

I just walked into an internet cafe and I was hijacked for about 40 minutes by two adorable little girls and their family, and they were practicing their English with me, which was quite good. They were looking at all my pictures with me, and they decided that Greg is "very pretty" and they like Montreal more than New York.

So I'm going to try and finish this work that I have and get out of here this century.

It's amazing how pervasive Christianity is here. The bad kind. The two girls just walked over to me with a story written by a Christian group here about how all of the Buddhists (98% of Cambodians are) are going to Hell. Ugh.

So the fan that I bought two days ago broke the day I bought it, it exploded at about 3am; Rattanak is coming to the house today at 1 to see if he can fix it.. Pray for me and my fan.

My evening students are okay. The first class, my other level two, is 'blah' in every sense of the word. They are really young and quiet. My second class is all boys, and university students, and I think they check me out the whole class. But they're smart, so I don't really mind.

I have a 1-on-1 tutoring session with a Korean girl who is working at an NGO here. Her English is pretty good, I think we're going to go to a cafe everyday and talk for an hour, which is all she wants to do. She only learned English in high school and university, but it's pretty damn good. It's a two-for-one deal, I get to learn about Cambodian AND Korean culture while I'm here.

My students, except for my second level two class, are wonderful; I'm really enjoying getting to know them. The schedule is a bit grueling, but manageable, with naps.

I went shopping yesterday and I'm almost finished shopping for gifts. I also bought 9 tops for about $21. I refuse to spend more than $3 on any top, Gap or Banana Republic.. I don't care the label (and the ladies in the market don't either). The average is $1 for a tanktop and $2-3 for a shirt, whether it be long-sleeved or short. I also bought a North Face small backpack for $4.50. I think I might buy a backpacking bag in case I ever backpack across a continent. Might as well, good ones cost $150 in the States and about $7 here.

Today was my first day of school, but it's only half over. I figured I would write now, so that many of you could read this before going to sleep.
My first two classes were really different. The first was level two, with six students (four girls and two boys). One of the boys is a Baptist missionary here, and I told him I'd very much like to see a Baptist service here after he told me that they do indeed sing and clap like they do in the South. I think he was disapointed when I told him that even though I was white and American, I was not Christian.
We did some cute little icebreaker games, and they went well, and we then went over some vocabulary, and that went perfectly according to time. It went really well, and I was really pleased.
The second class was level 6, much more advanced than my first class. They were all late as well, and the only trickled in, so it was hard to either play an icebreaker game or start to review the vocabulary. We only played one icebreaker, and got into the vocabulary. It was really hard to explain concepts to them (like 'get in trouble' or 'bicker'). There were five students there today, two boys, one of whom seemed like he was forced to be there, and barely paid attention, let alone said anything. The other boy was nice and tried, and there was also a girl who was painfully shy. Then there were two other girls who knew each other from a previous class at the school, and their English was amazing. One of them, the older of the two, was telling me how far away she lived: next to the Killing Fields, which is a solid 40 minutes away. They asked me what I thought of it after I told them I had been there, and I tried to explain it in relation to how I feel at Holocaust museums. But they didn't know about the Holocaust so I had to explain that... I mentioned S-21 (Teul Sleng), the genocide museum which was a torture prison in Khmer Rouge time. The older girl again asked me if I had been there, and I told her I had not, it was a hard place to visit, and I wanted to be ready to see the awful things there. She told me that her father died there. It was a really intense moment. He was taken from the villages and taken to S-21 where he spent three months before they brought him to the Killing Fields and killed him. I was at a loss for words and explained that I studied genocide in school back home, and that I had always admired Cambodia and Cambodians for moving past the genocide. The other of the two girls simply stated "We're just numb." It was really difficult to get back to the vocabulary after that, but we finished it and talked a bit before the end of class. They both went really well I think, but very differently.

Tomorrow is the first day of school, and I have to say that I'm more nervous today than I ever was before any other first day when I was a student. I have my lesson plans planned out for most of the week in my four classes (I have two level 2s, a level 4, and a level 6). I hope it all goes according to plan.

Jessie and I bought giant fans to put next to our beds to blow under our mosqiuto nets today. It's totally heaven on Earth. Last night I was so soaked in sweat it woke me up at 4AM and I ran into the shower just to feel human again, which is the only place I ever do feel human. Ugh this heat is killing me.

The people in my program, sans my roommate Jessie who I spend a ridiculous amount of time with, are getting progressively more annoying as time passes. I live with them, and I can't really get away, which is why at 9pm I just said fuck it and went down to the internet cafe, just for a little sanity. I need to meet new people. Easier said than done, when the majority of Western people who stay longer than a few days are do-gooder NGO types or are just here to have sex with children. If you know anyone that speaks English or French in Phnom Penh that won't make me want to blow my brains out after hanging out with them for an hour, give 'em my stats. I could use the company.

Sorry that this is late in coming...

My address to send me stuff is:

Bethany Murphy
c/o Conversations with Foreigners
No. 85A Street 155
Corner St. 155 & St 428
Toul Tum Poung
Phnom Penh, Cambodia 12310


In case of absolute emergency: (someone better be dead)

Sambo (the program director - he lives across the street) +855 12 659 200
Sopheap (the volunteer director) +855 12 498 107
Michelle (another volunteer at the house with me) +855 12 676136

I've arrived back from the provinces a few hours ago, and I'm finishing posting the last of my photos onto Facebook. I'll provide a link at the bottom of this for the two albums I've made so far (for the first one I already have, but for facility's sake..).

The ride up and down was long and uncomfortable (seven hours on a slightly air-con bus with a crazy driver that honked every 10 seconds and blasted Khmer music the whole time).

We went to the CRDT office, where we learned about what the money we're raising goes towards, one project is the Mekong dolphin project. There are only about 100 left in Cambodia and within 5-10 years will probably be gone.. But I was lucky enough to see some on our trip out on the Mekong River to dolphin watch. I'm fairly exhausted, but I'm going out to a bar tonight with 2 of the girls that stayed behind on the trip and Alice, our coordinator (I came back early and went without the 'authentic' village experience: i.e. sleeping on the floor, getting malaria, eating crickets). It's trivia night at the bar, and my history and geography skills should come in handy..

http://rutgers.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2171400&l=d3899&id=8818340
http://rutgers.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2173743&l=01d96&id=8818340

I'm going up to Kratie today, I'll be staying in a guesthouse and visiting the CRDT head office and chilling out with some endangered dolphins. The rest of the group, sans moi and Nadine (from Malaysia) are going farther north Thursday to Stung Treng, which is next to the Laos border. However, it's too far a trek, too hard a trek (both the journey and the conditions that await us in the 'authentic' village when we arrive) so I decided to come back with Nadine instead of going the whole way. I'll have time to lesson plan and hang out before classes start.

Anywho, I'll write when I get back, and finally post more photos.

Yesterday really was a day of death. Beginning with the Killing Fields, and ending with a fatal moto accident. Jessie and I decided to go into town for a bit of a walk and dinner after I returned back from the internet cafe. She has been here two times previously, and has witnessed 6 accidents in her 2 months total here, and thus decided that this time around, she wanted to avoid taking motos without a helmet if at all possible. We looked around for one for a bit, but admittidly, I love taking motos and didn't look that hard, and was anxious to get on one without spending the extra time and money to look for a tuk-tuk. We found a moto driver, and got off after we realised he was just driving because he didn't understand as to where we wanted to go, even after pointing out the FCC (the mis-named Foreign Correspondants Club) on a map. The second moto driver understood enough, and we were off. However, on the way, we hit a major traffic jam, something not so common here in Phnom Penh. We looked to see what the problem was, and saw a man laying next to a moto with blood pouring onto the road. His neck was in an unnatural position, and I would be shocked to learn that he was even alive as he was laying on the pavement, let alone if he survived after the "ambulance"arrived (a van with a cross painted on it). I watched my mother die, but that was in a western hospital and was completely bloodless. I've never seen a violent death, or even that much blood before (outside of blood donation bags). As in Egypt, I was shocked by this new experience. While I've experienced a lot in my 21 years, when I was in Egypt I realised that I had never felt carnal fear for my life before, utter terror. And here, I have witnessed death in such an up-close and horrific manner. It made me feel as physically sick as the Killing Fields had earlier in the day. I treated myself to a large drink at the FCC to wash away the feeling, but that ended up just giving it a twist.

Today Jessie and I went to the Royal Palace and the Silver Pagoda. They were absolutely beautiful, and quite out of place in a country such as this. I went into one very out of the way part of the Royal Palace alone and was met with a very funny Khmer man. He grabbed me and showed me around this very small shrine to Buddha. He touched me more than any Khmer man has, or should. He asked if I was French, and I told him I was American. When I told him that he grabbed me in a hug and tried to kiss me on the mouth. I kept saying "tee, accune" which means "No, thank you". Until eventually I escaped. It was quite the humourous encounter, and Jessie caught the tail end of it. I thought of if that were to happen in the States, and it's as if a guard in the Smithsonian tried to kiss a foreign tourist. Bizarre things like that only happen abroad, unfortunately.

I'll post photos of today later, and they will be available on the link I provided in my last post.

Today after my last bit of orientation before my trip up to the villages on Wednesday I went to the Killing Fields. I'm not quite sure what to say about it. It had more of an effect on me than any Holocaust museum I've ever been to. I walked into the pagoda and inside a case as far as I could see there were stacks of skulls. I almost threw up and half-ran/stumbled out of it. I couldn't handle it, looking at these skulls that were looking right back at me. It was like a staring contest, and I lost.
There were dug out ditches all throughout the site where they exhumed mass graves, so the land looked wavy, if that's a descriptive word I could use here. There were kids there that were skinnier than I've ever seen, begging for money. I went with Jake, an American that volunteered here with the school from its start, and is leaving on Tuesday. He told me to only give a few hundred riel, 300 max, because these kids would become dependant upon foreigners "donating" to them, and wouldn't be able to count on their thinness or cuteness forever, and would then be adults with no skills. It was interesting to me how not giving money to these starving children was in their best interest, but I understood why.

You can see some pictures here: http://rutgers.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2171400&l=d3899&id=8818340